Confessions Of An Illinois State Trooper
The story below is courtesy of Illinois State Police District 10 Pesotum. If we're being completely honest here....I'm more likely to be the guy in the porsche than anyone else.
You know that feeling you get when you see the driver who just blew by you gets caught by the police up ahead?!
Once upon a time, back when I first became a Trooper, I was working on the Tollway in Chicago. One day I clocked a red Porsche at 107 mph northbound on I-294 just north of the Touhy Avenue Tollplaza. The driver got stuck in traffic, so he decided to hop on the left shoulder between the passing lane and the concrete median barrier wall.
He continued to drive like a wild man. He cut in and out of traffic, tailgated, dodged from lane to lane, all without using due regard for other motorists and without using a turn signal.
Apparently his Porsche didn’t need turn signals.
He got stuck in traffic again, but this time my good ole’ Ford Crown Vic was right behind him. I lit him up and he pulled to the left shoulder. I guess he liked driving on the left shoulder.
I proceeded up to his car, identified myself and my department and asked for his driver’s license and proof of insurance. I don’t remember what I had for breakfast today, but I can tell you the conversation he and I had, word for word, nearly 16 years later.
“Trooper __, Illinois State Police, Can I please see your driver’s license and proof of insurance? I pulled you over for speeding, driving on the left shoulder, and several other things.”
His reply “What’s your problem Sir?”
(PS, I’m a Ma’am, not a Sir and I was about 23 years old.)
A terrible one-sided conversation ensued (him calling me Sir about 22 times, his wife telling me to “wrap it up”, and him screaming that I was on a power trip, saying I enjoyed dressing like a cop so I could be in charge, told me I must not have a dad cause I wanted to be in a man’s job, etc, etc, etc.....there’s more but that’s a whole other story that’s way funnier in person). I remained quiet while he handed me the documents. I even remained calm as I thought to myself “He doesn’t even know that my dad is a farmer. Who does this guy think he is to talk to a police officer like this, or for that matter, to a female like that.”
While I was standing at his car I noticed all kinds of people were honking, cheering, and waving at me as they crept past our location. I thought “What in the world? Have not ever seen a traffic stop before?” Then it dawned on me. They were SO EXCITED that the red Porsche got pulled over. The same red Porsche that had flew past them, cut them off, passed them on the left shoulder, tailgated them....etc.
I returned to my car, wrote 7 citations, ate a sack lunch (just kidding, but when a bossy lady tells you to ‘wrap it up’ cause they were annoyed they got pulled over....) and then took a deep breath as I returned to his vehicle. I could have easily towed his vehicle, arrested him for the charges, taken him to jail, and let him post bond there, but I honestly didn’t think I could stand one more second of him, let alone have him ride in my car to Cook County Jail. I handed him the citations, advised him of his court date, asked if he had any questions, and told him he was free to leave.
And then, upon the return to my squad car, I stated “You know Sir, I didn’t realize Honda’s went this fast.”
The end.
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