As it turns out, there is one thing a tortoise can do quickly.

Eating.

If you don't believe it, just watch this clip of tortoises at the San Diego Zoo tearing into a pumpkin like an eight-year-old tearing through his presents under the tree on Christmas morning. They carve through the gourd better than anyone making the perfect jack-o'-lantern ever can. Yeah, guess they're not immune to the whole pumpkin spice craze.

Look at these little critters go. They've got the gusto of a cheetah with the smarts to match his speed who's plotting his escape from the zoo. We can only imagine how fierce these tortoises would be if they ever got the chance to go bobbing for apples.

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