Full House

You’ve waited, and waited, and double-barreled enough whiskey to drown out the nightmares, but CUT. IT. OUT. The first full Full House, er Fuller House trailer has arrived, chock full of all the catchphrases, Gibblers and Bollywood dance numbers you’ve spent the last few decades envisioning for the Tanners! Wait, what?

Sure, you might take Netflix at their word that Fuller House represents a real series produced by, starring, and intended for actual humans, but initial teasers weren’t exactly selling that well. Sure, photos helped, but does an actual teaser with real-live Tanners convince us any further on Fuller House? Who else might make a wood-chucking return? Let’s find out!

Let’s be honest: the promotional lead-in to Netflix’s Fuller House revival of Full house has not been good. There was the uber-creepy first teaser, horribly misguided dance-break, and all the ridiculous Olsen news you can handle. Now, the first official photos have arrived of the Tanner (ahem, Fuller) clan reunited, and they look … like humans occupying communal space, sure!

It’s here, it’s here! At long last, the reunion no one in the history of ever wanted is here! Comet may be dead, but Full House lives on, awash in nostalgia for the milkman, the paperboy, evening TV and all. Yes, the first Fuller House teaser has arrived, complete with a February premiere date, in case you wonder what ever happened to predictability.

In addition to styling its cast like Halloween knockoffs of the real-life lineup, the first 'Unauthorized Full House Story' clip portrays John Stamos as a meanie.

Actor John Stamos posted a telling photo to Instagram.

As if the world’s Full House fan(s) weren’t already scouring the internet for every item of gossip on who will or won’t return for Netflix’s Fuller House, Lifetime has officially withheld its mercy on us. Behold, the cast of the upcoming Unauthorized ‘Full House’ Story, and nary a felt woodchuck among them.

Netflix’s Fuller House may not not have Michelle or either Olsen twin (or our respect, anticipation, interest ... ), but two mainstays of the Tanner household will indeed drop by Kimmy and D.J.’s new digs. Not only will Aunt Becky join Uncle Jessie at the Fuller House, but so too will Bob Saget’s Danny Tanner.

Uncle Jesse said exactly what we wanted to say.

Full House! The Unauthorized Musical! will officially open on Off-Broadway later this year.