Bebe Rexha Speaks Candidly About Her Bipolar Diagnosis: ‘I Was Very Fearful’
For the first time, Bebe Rexha opened up in detail about her bipolar diagnosis.
The “I'm A Mess” singer spoke candidly about her mental health in an interview with SELF that was posted on Tuesday (February 25).
In April, the 30-year-old told her social media followers that she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. "It did kind of f--k me up for a little bit," she explained of being diagnosed. "I was very fearful. I didn’t want to think there was something wrong with me."
"That was my worst fear all my life: going crazy," she added. "I felt like me opening up to my fans was me finally saying, ‘I’m not going to be imprisoned by this.’ And maybe it’ll make somebody not feel imprisoned, in that moment, if they feel like they’re going through a rough time. That’s why I decided to really open up and to free myself from that."
Rexha hopes that speaking out about it through the interview and her music will normalize the disorder and spread information about it. "I like to be sarcastic about things sometimes," she continued. "It takes away the pain and the hurt.”
"Even as a little girl, I remember always [being] anxious, scared of what was going to happen. I was so worried all the time," she explained. "I still am. I’m scared of everything." Her mother used to call her menstrual cycle "code red" because it would bring her great sadness.
“A day before [my period started], I would feel like my world was ending, that my life went to s--t…I would get into these funks and be really depressed and not want to leave my house," she recalled. Since then, she has been diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which means her hormones fluctuate and can cause mood changes before a person's period.
The singer was nervous about revealing her diagnosis publicly. "It’s the war you have inside your head: Will it affect my career? Will people judge me? Will they want to work with me? If people have been calling me crazy, are they going to be like, ‘Well, that b---h is f--king crazy’?"
Rexha eventually sought help as her depression was like "trying to pull a train." She added, "I’d be in the passenger seat of the car and I would want to open the door and jump out and just get f--king squashed—which is terrible." Rexha shared that she is on medication from a psychiatrist. "I made an adult decision to take another step to better myself," she concluded.