Esquire Names ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ Even Though All Previous Winners Are Still Living

Congratulations to Penelope Cruz, Esquire Magazine's 2014 "Sexiest Woman Alive."

That's a pretty nice honor, right? But what happens next year, when Penelope Cruz joins the previous nine winners as basically sexy has-beens.

Angelina Jolie was named the first "Sexiest Woman Alive" by Esquire in 2004. Hey Esquire, she's still alive, and pretty much looks the same.

Next came, Jessica Biel in 2005. Now, even though she might be pregnant (according to this rumor), she also still looks pretty much the same as she did in 2005.

Scarlett Johansson was the youngest "Sexiest Woman Alive" in 2006, followed by Charlize Theron in 2007.

The reign of hot blondes came to an end in 2008, when Halle Berry, the oldest winner took the crown.

Kate Beckinsale and her British accent took over in 2009, followed by someone who looks a lot like her, Minka Kelly in 2010.

Rihanna, the first Caribbean winner grabbed the cover in 2011, and new mommy Mila Kunis won in 2012.

Then, get this, Scarlett Johansson got super sexy again, because she won last year, too!

So what's worse, never being the "Sexist Woman Alive," or winning twice. Because if you win twice, that means that you are having some sort of sexiness dip in between those years. Poor Scarlett Johansson.

Just kidding, no one has ever said, poor Scarlett Johansson. She'll be fine.

Penelope Cruz brings the crown back to the brunettes this year, and away from the young ladies, too. Surprise she's 40. She looks about 27 1/2. Maybe 32.