Stupid criminal stories really make me happy. They bring me the same kind of joy as a Chicago Bears win, or when a great cut of steak is on sale...pure joy.

We grunt it out and head to Wisconsin to introduce you to a man that should probably see a doctor after his time spent behind bars. This guy obviously has problems internally and I'm not talking about demons telling him what to do...Maybe doo-doo.

Ladies and gents, I present Patrick D. Beeman of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Patrick has been going on a crime spree that really is one of a kind. He's not stealing jewelry or shoving ham down his pants like previous STUPID CRIMINALS he's unloading his backside and doing ridiculous damage wherever he poops.

Patrick is known as the "Serial Toilet Clogger" and has turned his "Appetite For Destruction" into a "Release of Destruction" wherever he GOES. He has had the Sheboygan, Wisconsin area on high alert as he's been killing toilets.

The "Serial Toilet Clogger" has engaged in on of the "largest obstruction sprees" in Wisconsin state history. Wow, impressive Patrick.

After finally being caught, "red" handed?? Patrick was sentences to 150 days in jail for his trail of toilet destruction. Here comes the strangest part and reaction to being busted for such a stinky and bizarre crime. This was is quote to authorities about finally being caught:

“I need to make things right and pray for forgiveness every day.” - Patrick Beeman

Um, ok? You are being stalked by law enforcement because of your destructive bathroom tendencies and you need to pray for forgiveness? Let's just flush this guy away.  Mandatory

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