How To Survive A Turkey Attack In Illinois (We’ve All Been A Victim)

If you've never been chased by a wild turkey in Illinois, you know the fear.  No matter how hard you try to avoid eye contact or cross the street like a polite human, those birds somehow know.

They'll stop whatever they're doing to puff their feathers out, and suddenly you're in the middle of a showdown that you didn't ask for.  It's so scary to be face-to-beak with a wild turkey.

Related: Milwaukee Man Sprints For His Life During Wild Turkey Chase

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Wild turkeys have become local celebrities in Illinois for their bold, and unhinged, behavior.  They've chased the mailman, the neighbor kids, grandma, and delivery drivers.  They'll damn near terrorize anyone who dares walk through their territory.

So, what DO you do if you run into a bully turkey?  First, don't panic.  Come prepared, though.  Carry something like a folded-up garbage bag in your pocket.  When a turkey comes charging, pull it out and wave it to billow with air.  You can also use an umbrella, broom, or water hose to make yourself look bigger and more intimidating.  The key here is to stand your ground.  No matter what.  Turkeys respect "confidence", oddly enough.

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Do not run, whatsoever.  These birds can spring up to 12 miles per hour, which means you're not winning that race, ever.  Face the turkey, open your arms, your jacket, and make loud noises.  Most of the time (not always....), they'll back down once they realize you're not prey to them.  If it continues to be a menace in your neighborhood or bother you, maybe consider calling animal control.

Until then, stay alert, keep your trash bag ready, and remember to stand your ground when they charge.  Good luck, Godspeed.